Dear Jayne

Dear Jayne,

I am a 40 year old father of four. I have been married for almost 10 years. When I first started dating my wife (some considerable number of years ago), I began putting beans into a jar every time, ah, to put it delicately, we were together. Contrastingly, when we got married I started taking a bean out every time we were together. Well, now I can't find the jar. I haven't seen it in over a year and it's possible she threw it out. What should I do?

J.A. Jekyll Island, GA

Dear Mr. J.A.,

What you are saying flies in the face of every kinda sense. There be better things to be collecting in the Vrese other than beans. And you only have four of  the we ones?  Your woman barren?  My advice is to fetch your favorite "shooting iron" and "Go to town",  if you know what I mean. I recommend taking a a Callahan full-bore auto-lock with a customized trigger. (Its my favorite.)  Afterwords go to the whore house and get neked with the wimmin folk.

J. Cobb